See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1, NIV)
Parents who have adopted children often field questions from individuals who, while well-meaning, use language that can be hurtful: Are those your real children? Do you have any children of your own? (Yes, my children are real, and they are all my own!) When their children hear these questions, the parents may need to do some damage control. This is because children who have experienced out-of-home placements, termination of parental rights, and adoption often struggle with their identity and sense of belonging. Disconnected from their family of origin, they can struggle to understand where they can safely reconnect. Due to grief, loss, and trauma, they may feel resistant to fully integrating into the life of their new family, despite how permanent that family situation is. Even when a child who was adopted receives a new name by the court, they may not feel like a “real” member of the family. This struggle has nothing to do with the depth or quality of loving care that the family provides to the child; it has everything to do with how the child views themselves.
Sometimes it is the same way in our lives of faith. Dear Christian parent, if you sometimes struggle to understand your identity in Christ, you are not alone. Perhaps fear, guilt, shame, or failure from your past—or from your current parenting struggles—tries to prevent you from feeling a sense of belonging to the body of Christ. Maybe you struggle to understand how or where to connect with your church family, especially if parenting your child makes it hard for you to participate in church activities or even attend church. Sadly, you may have even had previous church experiences that are leading you to be resistant to fully integrate into the life of your congregation. Though adopted into God's family (Ephesians 1:5) and called by his name (2 Chronicles 7:14), you may not always feel like a “real” Christian. You might still view yourself through your old life, despite the love that your perfect Father God lavishes on you.
Sometimes doubts and fears become louder voices than the truths God has shared with us. When this occurs, we need to go back to the source. In the same way that a child needs to be continually told and shown by their parents that they are loved, valued, precious, and secure in their family, as believers, we need to stay in God’s Word, where we discover again and again these very same truths.
Remember, God loved you so much that he sent his Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life and die a terrible death to be the atoning sacrifice for you (1 John 2:2). You are valued, chosen to be holy and blameless in Christ (Ephesians 1:4). You are precious to God and honored in his eyes (Isaiah 43:4). You are secure in his family—not a slave, but a son or daughter. What a blessing it is to be able to call God our “Abba Father” (Romans 8:15)!
Heavenly Father, thank you for lavishing your love on me. Thank you for making me your own dear child and for forgiving my failures for Jesus’ sake so that I am blameless in your sight. Please keep me steadfast in your Word, which builds my faith and reminds me of the security I have in you. In your precious name I pray, Amen.
by Rebeckah Ellinghuysen